HUNGER STRIKE?

I hate this.

My appetite is, at times, very difficult to control.

It's not like I'm satiating my hunger. I'm not. That's the problem. Besides the fact that I've broken up with a man I thought I would be with forever...someone who knows what I like and can make me feel very satisfied (at least sexually), I'm not running around picking up anything I can find.

I'm picky...I know what I want and need...and I don't want the bullshit heartache you-can-trust-me-baby that someone is going to shovel when all he wants is to fuck me.

It's going to be hard to trust someone, especially after all this.

It's very difficult for me to believe...

I'd love to be in love again...it feels good when it's going well...it would just be nice if this time it went well constantly.

I want to be important to someone again...I want to be spoiled because they want to spoil me...I want to be protected and defended...I want to be understood and taken care of...

But I am so fucking hungry I feel like I may go crazy.

I want to fuck.

I have toys...and they work...but they aren't the real thing.

I want someone to want me so bad that he has to take me...trying not to hurt me, as he thrusts inside me, I can't help but cum immediately...his cock hits the back of me over and over again...it hurts but I take it...and I keep cumming...his moans tell me how much he enjoys me...and I keep cumming...he won't stop...and I keep cumming...

...I'm afraid I get a bit selfish, too.

FUCK