SOMETHING MORE

While reading some of my older posts, I've discovered that at times I may seem to be a bit whiney.

I never wanted to be that way, and to those who also noticed, I apologize.

I blogged to help in my quest for understanding and closure, and maybe to tantalize some of you.

I never wanted pity. I hate pity. I do want understanding, and it seems I've found it here.

In that I am very grateful. It helps me, more than I thought it would.

I may be fucked up a little, but I'm still a good person, and well worth knowing (a little pep talk there..).

I am afraid that some will think I'm not worth the risk. I don't want to scare off anyone. Everyone has had bad times, some more than others, most more than they ever deserve.

I may be a little selfish sometimes, especially when it comes to sex...I like what I like and I want it when I can get it. I try to be more giving (and I can be very giving), but please don't blame me if I love the feeling I get from being the receiver a lot more often than the giver. Isn't it supposed to make you men feel good to know you can do that to a woman?

I can be stubborn about things; if I know I'm right and you know you're right, we can debate about it all you want. Instead I'd prefer to admit we're both right. I hate arguing, and I hate yelling even more. Besides, it's more fun to be giving and receiving...

Sometimes I do things that may make you shake your head. I love my animals and that is something I will never give up. If you can't stand the thought of me taking in a stray, either get used to it or leave. It may seem foolish, but I've also been known to take one in to be destroyed because even I know when it's a hopeless cause, and I would appreciate a hug after doing something like that.

I do admit, at the risk of sounding like the whiney ass I feel like at times, that a lot of the time I don't feel as smart as a lot of people around me. Going to school and getting a degree helped me realize I was better than I thought I could be, but still, I admire someone who is intelligent. So don't let me feel stupid...

Badandy said in one of his comments, that the man who falls for me will be very lucky.

I agree.

That's not vanity talking. It's truth. I will be the best thing that's ever happened to him.

I will be loyal to him, not afraid to tell him how I feel. I will have to call him sometimes just to tell him I love him. I'll spoil him terribly....baths and massages...breakfast in bed...I'll cook for him, and if I should screw it up (sometimes I just do....), he'll be understanding and we'll start over together or go out. He'll give me time alone with a good book (which would be a great way to spend time in bed together...him asleep and me reading...always touching him somehow...even if it's just snuggled up against him) or my friends, and I will worry that he makes it home safe when he's out with his friends. His coming home will be something he looks forward to.

He'll talk to me about anything and everything, and when he's upset I'll leave him be for a while if he wants me to, I'll hold him when he needs me to, and if he needs to cry I'll be there and cry with him.

When we love, he will do things to me that I will cherish...things that will make me smile when I think of them, and things that will make me moan and scream and cum for him and on him. Sometimes he'll wake me with his fingers or his mouth or his cock, and sometimes I'll wake him....

When he's inside me and he's looking into my eyes, he'll see what I feel for him, and he'll feel it as my body reacts to him.

Sometimes we'll just want each other, no asking, no foreplay, very little tenderness, just a passion so strong you have to take what you want.

It would be so nice to have someone here, just knowing they were in the other room.

I showered this morning, so I'm clean and my hair is shiny and soft. It's warm outside, but the fan in the other room makes a nice breeze. We could spread a blanket on the floor, a nice quilt on top of that, and I could spread for you...

I hate being wet and alone...