Sometimes I miss being twelve.
The only thing that mattered to me at that age were horses.
I lived, breathed, ate and slept horses.
When I went to my grandmother's house, she spoiled me terribly.
My dad wasn't as sick as he is now.
I was getting an idea about boys and what some of the fuss was about.
But only enough to make me happy that there were better things in the world...like horses.
Growing up I was awkward and insecure (yes, even worse than I am now) and I envied all the popular girls in school.
I was a virgin until my twentieth year, but believe me when I say it wasn't anything special.
I should have waited until I was older.
Maybe I would have learned a little more and not been so naive.
Learned to ask questions.
Learned to speak up for myself.
Learned to not put up with so much just to get some affection.**
Sometimes I wonder how my life would have turned out differently.
** Not to be confused with fucking...two different things.
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9 comments:
I've made some pretty stupid choices in my younger years *I've decided that I'm going to be 29 again...forever*. Do I regret them? NO! I consider them learning experiences. I wouldn't change anything that I've ever done. I don't believe that a persons experiences have a lot to do with the way they think. I've seen two children growing up in the same family, raised the same way have two completely different personalities. It's just something you are born with. Experiences just tweak you outlook on life. You're a great person. You just need to find someone that isn't such an asswipe. One day you'll get the affection that you need...I'll stick to the fucking.
At one time or another everybody drinks tomato juice and then realizes they could have had a V-8.
All lessons on the road. Without them we wouldn't be who we are today. Be that good or not so good.
I'm wondering who the popular kids envied?
Do you have brown eyes?
"The horrible things in my memory are part of what make me who I am. I neither relish them nor despise them for their very nature allow me to be who I am."
- Mad Munkey
The above came to mind as I read your post.
i guess, in large part, we are a work in progress. all experiences, good or bad, shape that. but like DB said about 2 kids in the same family being so diff- the nature vs. nurture idea- you wouldn't be who you are without having gone through all that has ever been.
and yes, it would be nice to have a special someone but i don't believe in it...and again i am with DB; i'll stick to fucking. anytime i ever care a little, it is like the bastards sense it just in time to hurt the hell outta my dumb ass. just like you said before that a *certain* someone noted that you might involve yourself w/ married men because of the "safety" factor. well, maybe that is why i play with grad students, knowing they will be gone soon enough.
and for the record, i wish i was 5 again.
damn it!!!!! wheres all this fucking happening when im around?
a
you know where I'm at...
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