When it all fell apart, when we had our fights and he left taking everything that was his, I thought about doing it. I knew then, and I know now...it's a selfish thing to do. I've always thought that people who have done it were stupid. Yet there I was, considering it, like I consider what I'm going to have for dinner. I imagined that once I did do it, he would be so sorry...he would really miss me...he would be so devastated. But I'd be dead, so how would I know.
That was the only time I ever thought seriously about suicide. But I'm stronger than I thought I was. At least in that I did something right.
Besides...I need to survive, to show him how wrong he was...and that I was the best mistake he ever made.
5 comments:
He better be someone frigging amazing to let go of a caring and intelligent person like you.
Something tells me he is not.
I used to make calls for suicide and or suicide attempts. You sound to smart for that crap. You know as well as I do, there is not one man on this earth worth your life. We're all dumb shits every once in awhile. He'll realize that, or you'll realize he was a waste of your time.
Trust me, I did realize...and I consoder it his loss....
As much as the grief of this loss in your life may be, it will lessen by degrees over time. The more you do for and about yourself (even just little things) will help you build a life outside of that relationship.
I was pretty devastated by such a loss many years ago and I honestly didn't want to survive, but with the help of friends and community I began to live for me and eventually crawled out of the abyss - not particularly easy in the moment, but doable! :)
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